SCP-1-800-J - LIMITED TIME OFFER
No stains! No mess! No permanent physical or mental trauma!
SCP-145-J - Another Shitty Day at Work
Object Class: Safe. It should be neutralized, but the Site Director's too goddamn cheap to buy a new one.
SCP-018-J - Normal Trench Coat Worn By An Adult
… As expected, the D-Class personnel were distracted from their escape by the prospect of viewing an R-rated movie.
SCP-329-J - The Ghoooost Siiiign
“I am the ghoooost siiiign! Yield to oncoming traffiiic! Ooooooh!”
SCP-1D6-J - Gygax’s Folly
Object Class: On a 1: Safe; 2: Euclid; 3: Keter; 4: Safe, later promoted to Euclid once it exploded a guy's eyeballs; 5: Safe, later promoted to Keter once it exploded ten guys' eyeballs; 6: Double Keter.
SCP-649-2568-J - Technicolor Geography
SCP 649-2568 has shown a capacity to reshape any geological features it sees, or has heard described. These reshaping events exclusively affect any features the entity deems as "too flat".
SCP-100000-J - Procedure 110-Overkill
The outer sarcophagus must, at all times, receive broadcasts… [of] live monologues of how awful SCP-100000-J is and why it will never, ever escape, destroy humanity, or find true love.
SCP-1322-J - A Whole New World
Barnes attempts to enter the anomaly for 23 minutes, but is blocked by SCP-1322-J-1-Barnes. Testing ends after SCP-1322-J-1-Barnes becomes aggressive.
SCP-885-J - Researcher Jacobs’ Inability To Clean Up After Himself
Investigations into how an actual human being could live like that are ongoing.
![SCP-6327-J - [redacted for brevity]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ec85e2d4c483c5e7cb97193/1677121541297-LFWH50V3ICXE2H2BQYCO/Joke+Series+%28website%29+%282023+update%29.png)
SCP-6327-J - [redacted for brevity]
“There is a current and present emergency, and I am about to describe it. Please listen carefully, as this will contain important information.”
SCP-1162-J - “Double Down Sandwich”
In the case of containment compromise, full nuclear sterilization is considered automatically authorized.
SCP-\̅\̅\̅\̅-J - The Subject is Aware
This entry was generated by loading 3000+ SCPs into the Botnik predictive keyboard app.
SCP-1417-J - Passive-Aggressive Meteorite
Dr. James Anderson… six-time star of the annual Site-19 Christmas Pageant, entered the containment chamber to assist in conducting Emergency Procedure 1634-Broadway.
SCP-1543-J - The Sun Launcher
Painted on the side is the motto, in large capital letters, “When in doubt, launch into the sun” (which some feel can never match the flair of the SCP’s old creed, “Into the fiery orb with ye”).
SCP-004-J - Stan from Accounting
SCP-106 appeared rapt with attention, materialized a business card and agreed to join SCP-004-J for a "lunch and learn" at his soonest convenience.
SCP-5308-J - The Collection
Any personnel who attempts to [use SCP-5308-J-4] will be terminated, and their surviving relatives assigned to Keter duty.
SCP-SAFE-J - Some Safes
Dr. Safe is in charge of the Safe safe, Dr. Euclid is in charge of the Euclid safe, and Dr. Keter helps with both the Safe safe and the Euclid safe.
SCP-049-J - The Plague Fellow
“No good sir I am most effective. I mean, my cure. I am the cure. Very effective. The most. Because I am a doctor.”
SCP-017-J - Narcissistic Time Displacement Field
She then experiences the time displacement, making her between 15 minutes to 3 hours late to every god damned thing I have ever invited her to.
SCP-666½-J - The Roaring Flames of Hell
Subjects often experience shortness of breath, extreme jaw pain from the clenching of teeth, and mild bruising on hands from putting the rim of the toilet bowl in a death grip.